A study on Asian Americans found that adapting to cultural expectations may feel inauthentic for those who feel conflicted between cultures, with small acts of self-kindness helping to ease that feeling.
After being asked to write about how they adjusted their behaviors around Asian and American people, some participants in the study showed an interesting response: those who felt torn between their two cultures were more drawn to cleaning products, such as disinfectant wipes and detergent (Mok, 2022). While this may seem unusual, research has found that people may feel an urge to “cleanse” after acting in ways that go against who they are (Gino et al., 2015, as cited in Mok, 2022).
Through four separate experiments, the researcher studied more than 700 Asian Americans living in the United States, including both immigrants and those born in the country. Each participant first rated how they experienced their two cultures: whether they felt blended together, or in conflict with one another. Researchers call this “bicultural identity integration.” Participants then described how their behavior changes around Asian versus American people. Each task took only a few minutes, so the results show how people felt in that moment, not over their whole lives (Mok, 2022).
For participants whose cultures felt blended, adapting to either culture felt authentic, as if they were being true to themselves with Asian and American people. For those who felt torn between the two cultures, adapting their behavior based on the person in front of them felt inauthentic. A later experiment highlighted the reason for this: fitting in with one culture brought up a fear of losing, or shutting out, the other culture (Mok, 2022).
A young woman may soften her voice and say “dạ” in every other sentence when conversing with her Vietnamese elders at home, and then speak more directly at her workplace with her Western colleagues. If both ways of being feel like her own, the shift comes naturally. If one way of being feels more like a costume or mask, each interaction may quietly carry a cost within herself.
The most hopeful finding of the study came next. Before each participant rated how true to themselves they felt, some were asked to list five ways they treat themselves with care (e.g., not dwelling on things they cannot change, or “not beating myself [up] for past failures”). For those who felt torn between their cultures, this small act of self-kindness seemed to make it easier to show up as themselves, even if that required them to adjust their behavior based on the cultural context (Mok, 2022).
Feeling torn between cultures may be a familiar experience for many who live within both, and it does not reflect how well someone has adapted. Each culture simply asks something different of them. On the days when a space asks us to be smaller, gentleness and grace towards ourselves may help us bring our whole selves into the space.
Where do you feel most like yourself, and where might you feel a part of you doesn’t belong?
Author: An Huỳnh
Reference
Mok, A. (2022). Feeling at home in two cultural worlds: Bicultural identity integration moderates felt authenticity. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 53(2), 179–212. https://doi.org/10.1177/00220221211072798
